


There is no good way to die.

by fangirl_feminista



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_feminista/pseuds/fangirl_feminista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is not a poetic person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is no good way to die.

I’m not going to say anything about you. None of these brats will get it. Let them find their own comfort. That’s not your duty anymore, you’re fucking dead. I'm not going to say you died for the cause, that you died in peace. There is no good way to die.

There is no good way to lose Erwin Smith.

You looked at me like you wanted to fuck me. You also looked like you didn’t want to fuck someone you’re gonna kill one day. You were the only man who can hold a boner for a goddamn ideology. And I happened to respect that enough not to grab your ass. It seems so stupid now, when all we’ve got to show for it is a book confirming something you already knew all along. 

I don’t regret it. I’m not angry. You are dead. I’m not afraid. You are gone. I can’t think of anything that could shake me now. I just can’t sleep and I break too many tea cups. I don’t even like tea anymore. I don’t like anything now. Something’s wrong with my bones, like they’ve been sucked dry and hollow. Your bolo tie is ugly when it’s in my hand and not on you. There are days when my body is too heavy for me. Stealing some of your meat and your vodka and your punching bag should do it, but fuck this. 

I’m not going to cry for you. Don’t twist and turn waiting for it. If you’re out there, don’t come to me just like you haven’t come to me all the nights before. If you’re all gone, then you can forget about me and the rest of the shit you left behind. When I die, I’ll take everything with me and it would be like we never existed. Like you were never born to have ghosts at your back, to bear all of the weight, to feel all that pain.

Don’t fight. 

Don’t fly. 

You see, I don’t need you here. Your ashes should rest under my boots. I see you in the sky during the summer. I am humanity’s strongest. I hear your commands when my gas whistles and my swords slice the air and the wind whips on my cloak. Your bed is cold but I can bear it, I swear. I’m sure you don’t have nightmares anymore.

I’m sorry. Forgive me. I should’ve said it even just once, but you already knew.

I must’ve loved you.

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of Erwin Smith. Happy birthday, commander.


End file.
